15 Temmuz 2015 Çarşamba

If We All Just Ignore Amazon Prime Day Maybe This Abomination Will Go Away

Happy holidays!

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I love one thing and one thing only on planet Earth, and that's getting a deal. I freaking LOVE DEALS. I love a dollar store. I love a coupon code. I love a free shipping offer. I love T.J. Maxx.

You'd think I would be thrilled by Amazon's "Prime Day" — a newly minted mid-summer sale extravaganza with deals that supposedly rival Black Friday's.

But I'm thrifty — not a piece of human shit. This is garbage bullshit and you can't fool me.

The trick to being "good" at shopping is to balance your insatiable ingrained consumerism with the competing lust only for bargains. If you balance this incorrectly, you end up like the extreme couponers who buy 100 bottles of shampoo they don't even like just because it's on sale. You cannot allow yourself to be swayed into buying bad crap you don't like or need just because it's a good deal.

Amazon Prime Day is trying to trick you into buying bric-a-brac you don't want just because they're calling it a "day". All the stuff is terrible.

Rise above. Stay true to yourself and do not buy.

Here's why Amazon Prime Day is bullshit (if that's not already obvious):

The sale items are crap you'd never buy anyway.

42% off is a great deal, but not if it's 42% off...... BEARD GROWING CREAM. You do not need or want beard growing cream. I understand that patchy beards are an unsightly problem for many men, but let's be real: If this smegma actually worked, you'd have heard about it already and it wouldn't look like some dollar-store leftover inventory.