Okay, everyone, calm down.
BuzzFeed News / Apple
Last week, the Internet exploded in enraged disbelief when Apple unveiled the iPhone 7 and 7 Plus — minus headphone jacks. But, as I discovered while testing the device in the days that followed the keynote, a phone is much more than the sum of its ports.
For the purposes of this review, I’m not interested in “bead blah-sted anodized al-yoo-mi-nee-um.” Because high-definition closeups and carefully choreographed onstage demos are not real-world conditions, I'm more concerned about the iPhone in the context of life’s less, er, dignified moments.
I’m human, and wrote this as such.
Listen, I was more upset than anyone. “DON’T YOU DARE, TIM!!!,” I mouthed to my computer on one particularly bleak August day, when the jack murder was all but confirmed.
(Just kidding, I live in San Francisco. Every Fogust day is particularly bleak.)
At first, the prospect of a Bluetooth-only product seemed a little ...mean — and also strange. Most high-fidelity headphones use the same 3.5 mm port that’s been around for fifty years. It’s *just about* the only technology that our grandparents can still relate to! Seriously, Tim, how dare you!
But when Apple announced its proposed solution — EarPods that connect via Lightning (the name of the iPhone’s one and only remaining port) and a Lightning-to-audio-jack adapter for wired headphones, both included in the box — I put down my pitchfork.
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